August 13, 2010

In Lieu of Logos

This is a poem by Scott Cairns, found in his collection of poetry, Recovered Body, pg. 70-71 (The whole book is amazing!).  This is really a poetic rendering of Prof. Bosma's concept of "optionsville," and the reason I prefer Hebrew to Greek.

In Lieu of Logos

Let's suppose some figure more Hebraic
in its promise, more inclined to move

from one provisional encampment
to the next, then discover the effect

wandering tenders even as it draws
the weary hiker on to further

speculation, crossing what has seemed so
like barren country but whose very

barrenness proves a prod for yet another
likely story.  The old Jews liked davar,

which did something more than just point fingers
to what lies back behind one's fussy, Greek

ontology of diminishing
returns.  I have come to like it too, word

with a future as dense as its past,
a Ding Gedicht whose chubby letters each

afford a pause at which the traveler
rubs his chin and looking up entertains

a series of alternate routes, just now
staying put at the borrowed outpost,

but marveling how each turn of the head
gives way to distance, layers every term

of travel--each terminal--with reprieve,
invites indeterminate, obscure enormity

to gather at the glib horizon's edge.

August 11, 2010

Word and Deed Revisited

I preached on Colossians 3:1-17 on Sunday.  The final verse says, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  This has been a key verse in my life for a long time.  I appreciate its call to do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, whether that is studying, or teaching, or administrating, or preaching, or visiting.  And I both appreciate and am challenged by its emphasis on both word and deed. 

Last summer I reflected on what it meant for Madison Ave to be a “word and deed” church.  And that’s something I’ve been reflecting on this summer, too.  Hope, like many rural CRC congregations, is strongly a word church.  I am known as a preacher, and people appreciate my sermons.  The church expected me to preach and lead worship, and so I did.  I am thankful for the preaching experience I have gained.  But I have also really missed being able to serve in a ministry of deeds, as well.  I have missed being a part of the neighborhood events and have missed the sense that the church is an integral part of the community.  I have missed the sense that we are “making the most of every opportunity” in the ways we interact with “outsiders” (Col. 4:5, from my sermon text from this Sunday).

Different people come to their life of faith with different emphasis, and different churches have different strengths and images of what their congregation is.  I have learned this summer that holding word and deed in tension is really important to me.  I won’t do well in a church that doesn’t care about the community around them.  And although I will miss Hope, at the same time I am looking forward to MCC’s ministry in the community.


August 02, 2010

On the Holy Spirit

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The work of the Holy Spirit in preaching and worship has amazed me again and again this summer.  There is really no good way to describe it.  I faithfully research, pray, write, ponder, edit, and practice sermons, but it’s the Holy Spirit that gives a sermon wings.  It’s the Holy Spirit that gives me the words, but also the Holy Spirit that prepares hearts to hear it and applies it to each person’s life specifically. 

And the Holy Spirit often has taken threads of various parts of the service and gathered them together into one.  Yesterday, we heard from a group of young people who came back Saturday evening from a SERVE trip to Las Vegas about their “God moments,” many of which touched on the poverty they had seen and how blessed we are.  The children’s message was about how corn is planted in fields because one stalk by itself will get blown over by the wind.  I preached on Colossians 2:6-23 about false teachings that hold us captive and the freedom we have in Christ.  Two of the false teachings I identified were consumerism and individualism.  I didn’t know what either of the previous parts of the service would be like, but they all came together, thanks to the Holy Spirit.  It’s both humbling and comforting to be able to rely on the Holy Spirit and to expect things you weren’t planning to happen!     

July 26, 2010

Toronto Excursion

CN Tower
Me at part of the Harbour Front in downtown Toronto--it was really pretty with a nice park
Outside the Royal Ontario Museum
Ojibway Beadwork

Beaver fur--one of Canada's national symbols (along with the maple leaf).  The loon must be important too, because it is on the $2 coin.  But the museum exhibit didn't talk about that.

July 21, 2010

The Preaching Journey

Preaching has been a long journey for me.  I came to seminary not wanting to preach.  I had a nagging suspicion I might be good at it.  But I didn’t want to be good at it.  It seemed so pastorly (yes, I made up that word) to preach, and I didn’t really see myself as a pastor.  During my first preaching class, we had to give the introduction to a sermon.  I have never been so nervous in my life—not when I went to Taiwan by myself as a 17 year-old, not when I did contract negotiations with the vice president of a Chinese university, not even when I started seminary.  I was pretty bad, that first time around.  It was an outer sign of an inner battle I was having, questioning what my calling was and if I was really cut out for seminary.  I remember one Sunday that winter my pastor preached on something (the sad thing is I have no idea what) and then we had a time of individual prayer.  I remember that I let go of what I wanted (to not preach) and said yes to following God, even if it meant preaching.  When I had to preach the conclusion to a sermon a week or two later, I was much more relaxed.  One of my classmates said I should get the “most improved” award for that class. 
And then I preached in the next class a couple of times.  It was still hard.  Both times I was ready to sit down when I was only about half-way done.  I still wasn’t sure that I wanted to do it.  Then I started preaching in churches.  It was difficult and scary.  I agonized over those first sermons.  I practiced them a lot.  But I got a lot of encouragement from my listeners.  Their words helped me to keep going.  To keep writing new sermons.  And the more I have preached, the more it has grown on me.
I came here this summer okay with preaching, but not being really passionate about it.  I expected to enjoy other aspects of pastoring more.  But a big part of what the church expects from me is a good sermon, so I’ve been spending lots of time sermonizing.  And it’s been fun to preach in the same congregation consistently.  Once again, this congregation has been very encouraging.  Even some of the (apparently) hard-to-please members have been supportive.  I feel like I am finding my voice—I don’t have to be super dynamic, have the congregation in stitches, or be preaching off the cuff.  I can be gentle and thoughtful.  I can be a manuscript preacher because I care for my words (and several people have commented on that).  That is one comment I’ve especially appreciated.  I loved studying and teaching English and my first year at seminary it felt like that part of me didn’t matter and wasn’t useful, since I had to learn a new language of theology.  Today I am thankful that I can use the English part of me, and that I am finding congruence within myself. 
This journey is a testament to God’s grace in my life.  He has worked in ways that are surprising and terrifying.  I am grateful for the privilege of immersing myself in God’s word and sharing it with God’s people.  I give all glory and honor to him for the woman he has made me to be.

June 28, 2010

880

The last week has been a bit different.  Thursday-Monday I was either in Michigan or traveling to/from Michigan--around 880 miles traveled (I am thankful for my little car!).  On Saturday, my parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary.  Both of my sisters (plus my brother-in-law) were also in town for the weekend (hence my trip "home")--this was the last time we'll all be together until Christmas.  We had a family dinner of chicken mango kabobs, ginger cilantro rice, and grilled broccoli, with rhubarb strawberry tarts for desert.  It was fun to all be together and celebrate what God has done in and through my parents in the last 30 years!  Our family picture is below: 

In addition to the family dinner, it was fun to hang out with family.  I was also able to see some friends and spend an afternoon on the Lake Michigan beach.  All in all, it was a great weekend.  My least favorite part was all of the driving.  I'm glad that I don't have to make that drive again for a couple of months :).

Now I'm looking forward to the next weeks--preaching, worship planning, pastoral visits, Canada Day (on Thursday), meeting with the college students who are home for the summer, and we'll see what else develops.

Here's a picture of the backyard of the home I'm staying in.  This is basically the view from the basement (yes, I know that I am blessed).

Some flowers in the backyard:

June 21, 2010

Shaking Our Fists, Or Why I'm Humbled and Grateful

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Yesterday I preached on Psalm 13, a sermon entitled “Shaking Our Fists.”  The essence of the sermon was that the psalmist was so angry at God that he was shaking his fists at God, and we too have occasions to shake our fists at God.  God gives the psalmist and us the freedom to shake our fists at him, so that we can process our pain with the context of God’s covenant relationship with us. 

As I’ve mentioned before, this church has many reasons to mourn and shake their fists at God.  I was scared to preach this sermon.  This is only my second sermon to this congregation and I wasn’t sure how far I could go.  I wasn’t sure how bold I should be with naming the hurts of the congregation.  But I felt in my spirit that this message must be brought and that I needed to name things.  So I did.  I would imagine that some people went home uncomfortable.  Some might have even thought I was totally wrong (although none of them told me to my face so far).  But several people said this was exactly the sermon the congregation needed to hear.  One of the pastoral elders, whom I have quickly come to greatly appreciate, told me after the service that there is a history of people stopping coming to church when hard things happen to them because they aren’t happy with God and there isn’t room in the worship to be angry.  His comments reminded me of Prof. Nydam (pastoral care professor) saying that every worship service must have space to be sad, because that’s life.  The elder also said the previous pastor, although much loved, didn’t/couldn’t go there.  Put all these factors together (with an immigrant culture of making do), and people don’t feel the freedom to lament.

I look back at yesterday and I am profoundly humbled and grateful.  I am humbled that God would take my words and use them to speak his words.  I am humbled that even when I feel like my words aren’t good enough, the Holy Spirit still uses them.  I am humbled that God called me to this place for a purpose that I didn’t know (and probably no humans knew)—to walk with this congregation through the darkness and to acknowledge its presence. 

And I am grateful that God is using me here, but I am also grateful for all of the work God has done (and is doing) in me to equip me for this work.  I have heard over and over that to be able to walk with people through pain and grief, you must be connected to your own heart and able to grieve your own losses.  It is a testimony to God’s grace in my life that since I was in high school I have learned to express my emotions to people instead of my dog (loyal and patient as she was).  I am thankful for friends that have encouraged me to speak my heart freely to them and God.  I am thankful for friends that have listened to my stories of loss and disappointment and helped me to grieve.  I am thankful for Professors Bosma and Nydam who taught me about lament and equipped me to share this freedom with God’s people.

May 23, 2010

Port Perry!

Summer has come again, and I so I am returning to this blog. My goal is to update once a week for the summer (probably on Mondays, but it depends a bit on what my schedule ends up looking like).

In a week and a half or so, I'm departing for my summer internship site: Hope CRC in Port Perry, Ontario. I haven't been to Port Perry yet, but here's some pictures I found from the internet.

First, a map. I couldn't find one with both Michigan and Port Perry marked, but Michigan is to the west of the part of Ontario that sticks down to the south. Its a 6.5-7.5 drive from Grand Rapids to Port Perry.



Downtown Port Perry (looks kind of like Holland or Saugatuck):

Port Perry is on an inland lake.

July 30, 2009

Word and Deed

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Every time I go anywhere with Pastor John, we meet people he knows. Walking on the street, people stop their cars in the middle of the road to talk to him. Stopping outside of church, the pre-school students want to show him their toys. Going to City Hall, the mayor’s staff (and mayor) knows him. Attending other public events, multitudes of other clergy members come over to say hello.
One of the things I love about Madison is that it is a church deeply invested in the neighborhood. Having Pastor John, who after being here for 31 years is a bit of a local celebrity, helps a lot. But many of the church members live within walking distance of the church. They’ve grown up here and are now raising families here. And the church itself offers services and support for the community. There’s a food pantry, ESL classes, preschool, after-school care and summer day camp, and discipleship houses (half-way houses for men coming out of drug and alcohol rehab programs). The summer outreach program for kids has multiple goals. Some are more overtly religious, like sharing the gospel and learning Bible verses; some are more practical, like giving the kids a safe place off the streets to play, have fun, and begin positive relationships with church members.
We talked about the relationship between word and deed in my missions class last quarter. The seminary generally tends to emphasis word (not surprisingly given the vocation and generation of most of the professors). I feel like Madison is a good example of holding these two in tension and doing them together. When someone comes in to get food at the food pantry, the food pantry volunteers also pray with those receiving food (as long as they want it). We have prayer in the worship service on Sunday, but also a group who prayerwalks around the neighborhood on Tuesday evening. The discipleship houses offer a safe, stable place to live along with emotional and spiritual support. Many of the guys that live in the houses are also a part of the men’s Bible study.
There is a Biblical foundation for this sort of ministry, as well. The FYF students were supposed to read To Live in Peace: Biblical Faith and the Changing Inner City before they got here, and then we had a discussion with the author, who lives in Harlem. (I’m not sure if any of the students actually made it the whole way through the book; its pretty dense for high school students.) I found it helpful to think about how Christians are called to care for those who are robbed, beaten, and bruised, as the Samaritan did in the parable. How we are called to bring about the peace of the city (Jer. 29:7) and seek its shalom (not only peace, but completeness, and well-being). As Christians, we must love God and love our neighbor as ourselves. We need both word and deed together. We are not truly loving others if we care for only their spiritual needs or only their physical needs.
I’m leaving Paterson soon (slightly over a week). But I’m thinking about how I, and the communities I’m a part of, share both word and deed with others. How can I become a part of my neighborhood? How is my church a part of its neighborhood and how can I join that? When I’m graduated from seminary and in full-time ministry, what choices will I have to make to ensure I’m a part of a broader community?

July 03, 2009

Clothed With Joy

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.”
Psalm 30:11-12
What is God calling me to? Is he really calling me to seminary? What will people say? What will he call me to after that? Will I go back to China? Will I be a pastor? During the last two years or so I’ve asked all of these questions and many, many more. Some of them I’ve received answers to. Yes, he did call me to seminary. Reactions were better than I imagined (I have a good imagination). But I’m still waiting for answers to many of my questions. I wish I was writing this to announce that God showed me the five-year plan for my life. But that’s not it. Instead I want to share how God has clothed me with joy at the opportunity I have to be an intern pastor this summer and to (Lord willing) be ordained in a few years.

On Wednesday, I feel like everything came together, as God gave me this joy. In the morning I went and visited a church member living in a nursing home. She was a bit melancholy when I got there, but as I listened and cared, read scripture and prayed, her mood lifted. In the afternoon, I went with the pastor of the church to visit a young woman who had a baby a couple of weeks ago. She is in an overwhelming situation, but appreciated the care and concern. After these two visits, I had a new feeling in my gut—a feeling I’ve come to know is from the Holy Spirit. It was similar to the feeling I had when I finally accepted the fact that I was called a seminary. That feeling said, “This is right. This is what I am calling you to. This is what will bring you joy.” God has taken the sackcloth of my life—fears and misgivings—and clothed me with joy at what he is calling me to. For the first time, I can (kind of) imagine myself as a pastor. I know that it won’t be easy. There will be many hard days ahead. But I thank God that my attitude is changing and I am looking to the future with joy and trepidation instead of fear and trepidation.

June 30, 2009

Great Falls of Paterson

One of Paterson's well-known landmarks is the Great Falls. It is the "second largest waterfall by volume east of the Mississippi." Alexander Hamilton visited them and saw great potential to harness them for power and create the first planned industrial city in the U.S. Paterson became a great manufacturing city, especially for silk. I went and visited the falls yesterday and here are a few pictures.


Because of all the manufacturing, Paterson has long been a city of many immigrants. It remains so today (although there is less manufacturing). Only the countries of origin have changed. Today, 50-60% of the population is Hispanic. 32% is African American. There is also a sizable group of middle eastern immigrants. The apartment building where I live is one block over from a big Islamic Center/mosque. Parking was pretty crazy on Friday afternoon when their main prayer service is held.

The neighborhood where church is has a lot of Jamaican immigrants (I need to go to the restaurant with Jamaican food soon!). The demographics of the church are roughly 60% African American, 30% Anglo, and the rest English-speaking Hispanics (and I guess anyone else). I know statistics aren't that interesting, but it does give a glimpse of what the area is like. Basically, I'm in the minority most of the time.

June 26, 2009

Grace in Newness

I've been in Paterson for almost a week now. It's been a good week--overwhelming in its newness, but good. Change is hard for me; I love old friends and consistent routines. Leaving Grand Rapids for the summer was harder than I was expecting, but it helped me realize what a wonderful community (friends and church) God has blessed me with there. Developing a new community was one of my main prayer requests a year ago when I came back from China, so I praise God for the ways in which he has been faithful and provided for me.

Now I'm in Paterson: meeting new people, adjusting to a different lifestyle, figuring out new traffic patterns and crazy roads, observing the patterns of different cultures, and taking my first tentative steps into pastoral ministry. And it's all new. I've enjoyed the experiences (well, I could live without the crazy traffic and jaywalkers whose patterns I don't understand), but it is also tiring dealing with them all the time. I'm doing a wide variety of things this summer. I spent this week visiting some of the church's ministries, participating in a Habitat for Humanity clergy build, prayerwalking, attending meetings for the summer outreach team and worship leaders, visiting some of the sick and shut-in (two with the pastor and one on my own), and preparing for the Facing Your Future group that is coming in a couple of weeks. Over the summer I will also be preaching and leading worship, along with whatever else comes up.

In the face of all of this, the words of 1 Peter 1:1-2 brought me comfort this morning, "To God's elect, exiles scattered throughout the provinces...who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to be obedient to Jesus Christ and sprinkled with his blood: Grace and peace be yours in abundance." Even though I am scattered to another new place, my identity in Christ is the same and God blesses me with his grace and peace for each new day.

Some of the grace has come in the form of the church's people and ministries. The congregation has embraced me with open arms--literally with lots of hugs. They are warm, welcoming, and very hospitable. I hope that these traits become a part of me before the summer is over. The many different ministries the church has to serve hurting people are also a form of grace. The church is a pillar in the community for many who don't have much hope left because of poverty, addiction, illness, family issues, etc., and it acts as Jesus' hands and feet in the neighborhood, pointing everyone to healing in Jesus. Even in the darkness and difficulty, God is at work here, and his grace is becoming tangible.

June 22, 2009

New York City

I've been in New Jersey for about a week now. Last week I spent with my sister, seeing her life and going into New York City. On Saturday I moved to Paterson, where I'm doing my internship. I'll write more about that later when I have something intelligent to say about it :).
Here are some pictures of New York City.

Me on the Brooklyn Bridge with Manhattan in the background (and the Statue of Liberty behind my shoulder)

New York Stock Exchange

Manhattan skyline at night from Hoboken, NJ

Deborah and I at a concert in Central Park

On the boat to see the Statue of Liberty

Deborah in the Ellis Island museum by a "word tree" showing various words that English has adopted from other languages.