Clothed With Joy

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.”

Psalm 30:11-12

What is God calling me to? Is he really calling me to seminary? What will people say? What will he call me to after that? Will I go back to China? Will I be a pastor? During the last two years or so I’ve asked all of these questions and many, many more. Some of them I’ve received answers to. Yes, he did call me to seminary. Reactions were better than I imagined (I have a good imagination). But I’m still waiting for answers to many of my questions. I wish I was writing this to announce that God showed me the five-year plan for my life. But that’s not it. Instead I want to share how God has clothed me with joy at the opportunity I have to be an intern pastor this summer and to (Lord willing) be ordained in a few years.

On Wednesday, I feel like everything came together, as God gave me this joy. In the morning I went and visited a church member living in a nursing home. She was a bit melancholy when I got there, but as I listened and cared, read scripture and prayed, her mood lifted. In the afternoon, I went with the pastor of the church to visit a young woman who had a baby a couple of weeks ago. She is in an overwhelming situation, but appreciated the care and concern. After these two visits, I had a new feeling in my gut—a feeling I’ve come to know is from the Holy Spirit. It was similar to the feeling I had when I finally accepted the fact that I was called a seminary. That feeling said, “This is right. This is what I am calling you to. This is what will bring you joy.” God has taken the sackcloth of my life—fears and misgivings—and clothed me with joy at what he is calling me to. For the first time, I can (kind of) imagine myself as a pastor. I know that it won’t be easy. There will be many hard days ahead. But I thank God that my attitude is changing and I am looking to the future with joy and trepidation instead of fear and trepidation.