UK #4: The Wedding

Wedding Flowers

While I was in Poole, I was privileged to attend J's wedding.  J and I were teammates when we were both English teachers in China.  We left China the same year, and she moved to England shortly after while I started seminary.  A bit over two years ago, she met a British man and they decided to get married.  It was an pleasure to see her so filled with joy on her wedding day, and I am thankful that I was able to observe a British wedding.  This post is a collection of reflections on the experience.

A wedding is an example of both the great similarities between British and American customs, but also the great differences.  We hold many core customs in common (as opposed to say, China, where customs are drastically different).  But there are also differences.  For example, in a British wedding, the bridesmaids walk down the aisle ahead of the bride, but then sit in the first row of seats, along with the bride's parents.

With other China friends at the reception

Overall, it seems like a British wedding may be slightly less of a production, and less commercial than an American one.  It is possible that isn't a fair statement, since I only observed one wedding and it wasn't completely typical, but that was my overall impression.  Things like napkins printed for the reception aren't done.  There is less emphasis on the bridesmaids and groomsmen.  There are fewer parties before the wedding.  One of the parents often makes the wedding cake (a fruitcake is traditional), in this case the groom's mother--and it was really good.  

I really appreciated the Church of England wedding liturgy.  One of the things that struck me about it is how thoroughly Trinitarian it is.  There was no mistaking what this marriage is founded on and what it is about.  I also really appreciated that in the very beginning of the service, the congregation was asked "Will you, the families and friends of G and J, support and uphold them in their marriage now and in the years to come?"  I think it is an important reminder that no couple should enter a marriage alone, but they must remain rooted in a community that will encourage and support them.  I will be borrowing this or something similar when I do a wedding.

First dance

I was also impressed with the way the wedding was planned and led when they knew that a significant portion of the guests are not practicing Christians.  It was a profoundly Christian in liturgy, songs, and readings.  Nothing was watered down.  Some of it might not have made complete sense without some knowledge of Christianity.  But the officiants didn't use it as an occasion to evangelize explicitly.  They let people enter, in a way, the life of faith.  To observe what it looks like to start a marriage as "a cord of three strands." I hope and pray that everyone sensed the love and joy of the bride and groom, but also their church and faith community.