I’ve often heard that marriage is sanctification. Sanctification is the theological word for becoming
holy or becoming like Christ. In a good
marriage, people learn about themselves and getting along with others. There is no denying God uses marriage to help
people grow in their faith and become more Christ-like. The problem is that every time we say this,
it implies that you can’t really be sanctified if you aren’t married. It reinforces the notion that serving God as
a married person is better than serving God as a single person.
Sanctification does not require marriage. There are many ways that God sanctifies
us. Even more, marriage is not
necessarily a better or quicker way to sanctification. In fact, singleness can be part of
sanctification, too. Being single is a
different training ground, but I truly believe it too can be fertile soil for
becoming Christ-like.
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I have learned to trust God in different ways than if I was
married. I don’t have another person to
rely on. If I don’t have a job, there is
no one else to support me. If I have a
stressful meeting, no one is waiting at home to comfort me. If I need to make a decision, there is no one
to help make the decision. Instead, I
live by faith. I am learning to trust
that God will provide for my needs. I am
learning to trust that God hears my prayers and binds up my broken heart. I am learning to trust that God leads me and
guides me in decision making. Being
single is fertile soil for sanctification in trust.
This might sound counter-intuitive, but I have found being
single to be a place to learn about community and hospitality. You have to be intentional about developing
community, when you don’t have built-in community with your spouse (although I would
argue you still need to develop community with others when you’re
married). It takes work to maintain
relationships. There’s a learning curve
to relationships—I have had to learn how to be vulnerable and let others in. But those relationships can be sweet, friends
that are family. They are a community
that has walked through some dark valleys, empty desserts, and sun-filled
meadows with me. I am better at all of
the one-anothers we find in scripture because of this community.
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| The really awesome empty tomb cake my mom made for our Easter celebration! |
Being single is also an opportunity to offer hospitality to
others. Before even offering
hospitality, being single has given me a different insight into what it is like
to be at the margins. I don’t fit into
what society expects, and it has made me more conscious of other people who
might be feeling a bit out of place. I
want my life to be one that welcomes people in and gives them a place to feel
at home. What I desire to offer isn’t
the stereotype of hospitality: dinner parties for couples or huge family
dinners. There is freedom associated
with singleness and the type of hospitality I can offer. I don’t have to figure out which family I’m
going to spend holidays with. This year,
my parents came to celebrate Thanksgiving at my apartment with some of the
refugees I work with. At Easter, I took
a family to my parents’ house for dinner.
I still have lots to learn (sanctification is a process, after all), but
it is definitely a way that God is forming me.
Getting married is not the only way to become sanctified. There are plenty of sanctifying experiences
and situations that come along with being single. And so for all of us—whether married or single—my
prayer is that we will “grow in every way more and more like Christ, who is the
head of his body, the church” (Ephesians 4:15, NLT).
Personal photos taken on Iona, Scotland and at my parents' house in Michigan, taken in January and March 2013.
Personal photos taken on Iona, Scotland and at my parents' house in Michigan, taken in January and March 2013.
