Me at part of the Harbour Front in downtown Toronto--it was really pretty with a nice park
Outside the Royal Ontario Museum
Ojibway Beadwork
Beaver fur--one of Canada's national symbols (along with the maple leaf). The loon must be important too, because it is on the $2 coin. But the museum exhibit didn't talk about that.
Preaching has been a long journey
for me. I came to seminary not wanting
to preach. I had a nagging suspicion I
might be good at it. But I didn’t want
to be good at it. It seemed so pastorly (yes,
I made up that word) to preach, and I didn’t really see myself as a
pastor. During my first preaching class,
we had to give the introduction to a sermon.
I have never been so nervous in my life—not when I went to Taiwan by
myself as a 17 year-old, not when I did contract negotiations with the vice
president of a Chinese university, not even when I started seminary. I was pretty bad, that first time
around. It was an outer sign of an inner
battle I was having, questioning what my calling was and if I was really cut
out for seminary. I remember one Sunday
that winter my pastor preached on something (the sad thing is I have no idea
what) and then we had a time of individual prayer. I remember that I let go of what I wanted (to
not preach) and said yes to following God, even if it meant preaching. When I had to preach the conclusion to a
sermon a week or two later, I was much more relaxed. One of my classmates said I should get the “most
improved” award for that class.
And then I preached in the next
class a couple of times. It was still
hard. Both times I was ready to sit down
when I was only about half-way done. I
still wasn’t sure that I wanted to do it.
Then I started preaching in churches.
It was difficult and scary. I
agonized over those first sermons. I
practiced them a lot. But I got a lot of
encouragement from my listeners. Their
words helped me to keep going. To keep
writing new sermons. And the more I have
preached, the more it has grown on me.
I came here this summer okay with
preaching, but not being really passionate about it. I expected to enjoy other aspects of pastoring
more. But a big part of what the church
expects from me is a good sermon, so I’ve been spending lots of time
sermonizing. And it’s been fun to preach
in the same congregation consistently.
Once again, this congregation has been very encouraging. Even some of the (apparently) hard-to-please
members have been supportive. I feel
like I am finding my voice—I don’t have to be super dynamic, have the
congregation in stitches, or be preaching off the cuff. I can be gentle and thoughtful. I can be a manuscript preacher because I care
for my words (and several people have commented on that). That is one comment I’ve especially
appreciated. I loved studying and
teaching English and my first year at seminary it felt like that part of me
didn’t matter and wasn’t useful, since I had to learn a new language of
theology. Today I am thankful that I can
use the English part of me, and that I am finding congruence within
myself.
This journey is a testament to
God’s grace in my life. He has worked in
ways that are surprising and terrifying.
I am grateful for the privilege of immersing myself in God’s word and
sharing it with God’s people. I give all
glory and honor to him for the woman he has made me to be.
